Hideous Creature

Hiddy was a man with no shame, who loved showing his cock to anybody who’d bother looking. One night, at a mate’s pad in Sir Thomas Mitchell Road, he started showing off by sticking Tom Thumb firecrackers down the eye of his dick and lighting them with his ciggy. Standing there naked with gunpowder on his knob, he could have been the poster child for a Film Noir version of Dante’s Inferno—an authentic manifestation of tormented humanity. As each cracker exploded, he would roar into a heinous laugh.

As the boys drank on and got more rowdy, their thirst for longnecks had taken the count well into double figures. As things progressively got messy, a game of rumble ensued and ended up with Cookie pinning his naked bare bottomed brother down on the floor. Seizing the moment, Raúl managed to spray a handy can of Glen 20 all over Hiddy’s shagpile chest. Breaking free, Hiddy leaped to his feet and stumbled backwards, peering in disbelief at the thick coat of foam under his chin. Not finished yet, Raúl aimed the can at him and, flicking a lighter, pushed down on the aerosol button. The flame shot across the room and hit the naked target, igniting the thick foamy lather of Glen 20, which exploded on impact, blowing him backwards against the wall.
The bizarre sight initially stunned the perpetrators, who were not only astonished, but amazed that the flame covered the distance and hit the target. Within a split second, they were laughing so hysterically, they couldn’t even help put out the flames. Hiddy managed to extinguish himself, rolling frantically about on the floor. At St Vincent’s, where he was treated for minor burns, the staff couldn’t help laughing, as they administered relief to his naughty bits—including the eye of his dick—the joker describing his ordeal in hilarious detail.

Matthew Ellks


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